Question: “What should I be aware of for 2012?”

Positive. New beginnings. New thinking. New opportunities. Energy. Growth. Conception. Fertility. Intuition. 

It’s the time to start something new. Ace of Wands is an unpredictable force and cannot be controlled. It’s hard to say whether the energy will continue in a steady manner or fizzle out after a time. 

Try to let events happen naturally and not will them your way, but do not be afraid to ask for what you want or act. Be aware that there may be a sudden manifestation of growth. This could be a new relationship, new job, understanding, pregnancy, or birth of a child. 

Trying to focus my energy on what 2012 will bring as I try to pull a card from my tarot deck. I’ve had an itching to do so all day but the question keeps turning to “what should I be aware of” Might post it anyways once I feel that connection to draw. 

General: The Ace of Swords can indicate a new beginning of some sort in your life, possibly on several fronts. Ace of Swords calls on us to not be afraid to make a leap if it’s in our best interests. 

Love: In terms of love, the Ace can mean that you are ready to start something new, and if you’re currently in a committed relationship, it can indicate that there’s something about this relationship that you will choose to put a stop to. Don’t hesitate to speak your mind. If something in the relationship is hurtful or bad for you, and you lose your partner because you say so - you haven’t really lost, you are being guided toward a relationship that is better for you. Tell the truth.

General Reversed: Imbalanced and troubled. It speaks of a time where it is difficult to find agreement and others (or yourself) may seem argumentative or quarrelsome. suggests that you may have to get out of a harmful relationship or circumstance.  You may find yourself feeling restricted or fearful.  Need to be careful about illusions. Be thoughtful and circumspect.

When I first met Jeremy I traveled to Texas by bus and stayed at his house for a week before we both traveled back to my own home. During this time he was living with his Mother. She’s very troubled, insane, and quite mentally/verbally abusive. I thought I’d share that before going on to the backstory of this card in hopes that it might make a little more sense.

For our first date Jeremy took me to Books-A-Million. It was there that I found myself drawn to a specific tarot deck, The Manga Tarot by Selena Lin. Perhaps it’s just anime loving nature, but I had to have them.

After we got back to his house I decided to play around with them. After shuffling I drew one card from the deck. Ace of Swords, reversed. Curious Jeremy decided to try them out as well. So after he shuffled and split the deck he too drew one card from the deck. Ace of Swords, reversed.  Coincidence?

The included book said that the Ace of Swords in the reversed position represents obstacles standing in our way. That we might have an accident, or our own need for things to be perfect that are stopping us from achieving our goals. 

At the time we didn’t understand the meaning, but over the course of the week it became clear that the meaning warned was coming true.

By the end of my week stay I didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want me to leave. As mushy as it is, we just didn’t want to be 1000+ miles apart again now that we were together. Our connection was just that strong.

We asked about my staying a little longer, since he already paid rent to his Mother he asked about paying more so I could stay just until we found an apartment, etc. The answer was clearly no, but rather than say no there was a pretty nice mental abuse battle that went on. I felt horrible for being the cause of it, but as the years have gone by I know that it wasn’t my fault and something quite normal that happened a lot. I should have known just from the way she treated him while I was there. A story to stay untold.

In the end there was just nothing that could be said or done. I had to leave. We arrived at the bus station just as my bus was pulling away. Since we didn’t know when the next bus would be there we went back to the house to pull it up on the computer. A thought came to us, if I couldn’t stay, then he could go with me! We hurriedly packed in the next half hour and dealt with the tantrum that his Mother was having before we set out on our 2 day bus ride back to my home.

I still lived with my Dad, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t even think about asking or what might happen. I just knew that we were going to be together one way or another. I did however call my Dad to give him a heads up that Jeremy was coming back with me on our 7 hour layover in Dallas. THAT was also a very argumentative conversation, which I think the card also hinted at.

The conversation went something like, ”He’s coming back with me. Okay so my stuff will be on the curb when I get home? Great. I’ll deal with it then. Just keep in mind Dad that this is the happiest I’ve been since forever, he’s the reason for that. Just give it a chance to get to know him. Seriously Dad, have I EVER brought a boyfriend home for you to meet? No? Okay then. Okay, just put my car keys in the gas cap if I’m not allowed in the house. Love you.”

After about four hours my Dad calmed down and called me back to tell me that we’d talk about this when I got home and to have a safe trip back. He still wasn’t happy, but I wasn’t going to find my stuff on the curb either. Honestly, I don’t think he ever would have thrown me out.

In the end the full meaning of the Ace of Swords came into play. We arrived home and waited for my Dad to get off work. Jeremy happened to be outside when that happened, so I never had a chance to even try to talk him up. Jeremy walked up to my Dad’s truck and introduced himself. Instant brownie points. My Dad apparently handed him a gun and his lunchbox and inside they went. They’ve been friends since. My Dad loves him to death.

So that’s my story.